


Wonder

by YGJK97



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Niall and Eleanor are briefly mentioned, So are Liam and Zayn, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 05:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1498897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YGJK97/pseuds/YGJK97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knew, deep in his heart, that he could never love anyone as much as he loved Louis Tomlinson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wonder

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything, not One Direction nor Lauren Aquilina's song Wonder: which I recommend to listen to while reading this fic. Because it's based off of it.

I can't control my feelings  
I can't control my thoughts  
I'm staring at the ceiling  
Wondering how I got so caught  
You're completely off limits  
For more reasons than just one  
But I can't stop

 

As the alarm finally went off with an annoying buzz Harry laid staring at the ceiling as tears poured down his face. Today was the day, the day where Louis would finally be officially happy, the day where he would lose Louis forever. How did he let himself fall so hard? Especially for his best mate, a man so out of his limits it was unbelievable. He was straight, he had a girlfriend he loved more then anything, Louis had envisioned a future with Elenaor; a home, kids, absolute happiness and yet Harry still dreamed. 

Still hoped, because he couldn't stop himself. 

He should've gotten up, he was the best man after all yet he couldn't find the energy to sit up and get ready. So he closed his eyes again and hoped that everything could rewind and go back to being normal. 

You're aware of my existence  
But you don't know I'm here  
You're the center of attention  
You control the atmosphere  
You're so busy being busy  
I don't want to interfere  
But I can't stop

 

Harry couldn't remember when Louis actually stopped really looking at him. He wasn't sure if it was right after the X factor or if it was when Eleanor Calder walked in and management decided that Larry Stylinson needed to be destroyed. All he knew was that Louis would promise him something, and then cancel the next day claiming he needed to be with Eleanor. 

Louis controlled everything when it came to the group's mood, without Louis there wouldn't be easy going conversations, there wouldn't be genuine laughter but for some reason Harry couldn't laugh with Louis anymore. Even though Lou was his best friend, even though Lou was the love of his life he couldn't even smile at the older man. 

It most likely had to do with the fact that Louis Tomlinson was way too busy for his forgotten best friend Harry Styles, a boy who pinned after him endlessly. And even though Harry knew this, he still couldn't stop himself from falling even deeper. 

Not even when Louis asked him to be the best man for his wedding. 

So I'll remain  
Within your reign  
Until my thoughts can travel  
somewhere new  
My mind is blind to everything but  
you  
And I wonder if you wonder about  
me too

His phone buzzed suddenly and slowly he turned his head lifelessly, as expected he had multiple texts and calls but not one answered. They were all the same, all demanding to know where he was but he couldn't answer. He didn't know how to. If he let Louis do this then maybe he could finally get over him, finally forget his painful first love yet deep in his heart he knew it wouldn't be that easy. He tried so hard to find someone new yet he never managed to succeed, too caught up in loving Louis. 

Every time his new beau smiled he would only see Louis's smile, every time they laughed he imagined Louis's- it was so pathetic that it made him want to vomit. But the worst part wasn't that, the worst part was wondering 'what if', what if Louis did love him back?, What if Louis did think about him too? And every time he finally found the courage in himself, ready to tell Louis about his feelings (encouraged by that 'what if') it would be wiped out because Louis would be talking to Eleanor on the phone and when he would hang up he would whisper with absolute sincerity "I love you" 

Which entailed that, that's all a 'what if' was, it was just a 'what if'-something that was never meant to come true. 

If you were to stop talking  
I don't know what I'd do  
The future's far less daunting  
Walking into it with you  
So drink till you can't think  
And pretend I'm what you'd choose  
Cause I can't stop

As he sits up and chug's his iPhone across the room he lets more tears slip from his face as sobs spill from his lips like it belonged there. He could see a specific memory flashing in his eyes, where Louis had came home one night blubbering drunk after a fight with Eleanor, how he had helped Louis up the stairs and into his own room- he could remember the way Louis intwined his hand into Harry's hair and murmured "You have softer hair then her, it's also more pretty" before leaning forward to kiss him gently. And Harry, the idiotic and hopeless romantic, would accept the kiss with eagerness and naivety. 

And when the next morning came he would awake with confidence and hope only for that to be dashed away when he would hear Louis apologizing to Eleanor on the phone, saying he loved her and that he would never intentionally hurt her. And when Harry moved more into the living room making his presence known, Louis would just smile and greet Harry nonchalantly indicating he didn't remember anything from the previous night. 

And Harry wouldn't say anything, because a future without Louis in it in someway was unimaginable; so what that when he made his way up the stairs he burst into silent tears and his heart crumbled to pieces like shattered glass. Louis was never supposed to love him back. 

Still, Louis choose him for one moment, a drunken moment, and even though it hurt to know that Louis didn't even remember, he could at least still hold onto that stolen kiss. 

 

So I'll remain  
Within your reign  
Until my thoughts can travel  
Somewhere new  
My mind is blind to everything but  
You  
My mind is blind to everything but  
You  
And I wonder if you wonder about  
Me too 

Vaguely, over the tears and silence in the house, he could hear both the house phone and his cellphone ring and as his eyes trailed over toward the clock he realized with a sharp pain that the groom and bride should be saying their vows. Standing up on shaky legs he made his way over hesitantly and bent down to grab his phone, miraculously the phone was still intact- ironically, his heart was not. There was so many texts, furious ones from everyone that was attending the wedding, Zayn was cursing him out, claiming he was the worst friend in history and Liam was disappointed, stating that he shouldn't have accepted being best man if he wasn't going to go. 

And when he was about to turn off his phone his eyebrows furrowed when he noticed two texts that he received from Louis, both at different times. One was from the start of the wedding, it read simply "Why?" And he figured the question had to be why he didn't tell him he wasn't going. The second one started off a whole new fresh batch of tears 

"You should've told me, God Haz I'm so sorry I didn't notice how you felt- I'm so bloody sorry" 

He knew right away that the last apology was a way of Louis telling him he didn't feel the same, he never did. He was ready to throw the phone again, this time intending on breaking it, but he suddenly received an incoming text and it was from Niall. Hesitantly he clicked on it and before he knew it he was on his knees completely sobbing. 

"I'm sorry Haz, he figured it out because he had been wondering about you throughout the whole wedding, hoping you would just show but when you didn't he knew- he cried Hazza, because he couldn't give you what you wanted for so long- fuck, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from this, please call me" 

 

So I'll remain  
Within your reign  
Until my thoughts can travel  
Somewhere new  
My mind is blind to everything but  
You  
And I wonder if you wonder about  
Me too 

In the end, Louis was wondering about him, just not in the way Harry wanted him to. Never in the way Harry wanted him to.

Harry knew, deep in his heart, that he could never love anyone as much as he loved Louis Tomlinson.

**Author's Note:**

> God, I'm sorry if this sucked- its one in the morning and I'm sleep deprived nor have I edited so…yeah 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed (I hope, cause I suck) and comments plus kudos are appreciated. 
> 
> Ps. I wrote this on my Ipod, sorry if format is weird.


End file.
